MUM’S THE WORD: From Full-time mother to Glamorized Live-in Nanny

MUM’S THE WORD: Amanda Leitch-Lee

I have recently started a new adventure in my life. Nursing school. So, now, instead of being a mostly full-time mom, I see my son, Holden, for a grand total of 27 seconds a week. Or at least that is what it seems to be.

When I am at home studying, I feel as if I am neglecting him and the house work. When I snuggle him, I can’t help but run through my head the proper way to find a radial pulse. There is always a loser in this equation.

I remember the good-ole-days of yesterday. Snuggling on the couch, bath times at noon after playing outside in the rocks and mud and the occasional venture to Dairy Queen. Okay, more than occasional, more like four times a week. Those days are done.

Now, it feels as if my time with him is restricted to drill sergeant. “We need to get ready, get on the bus, comb your hair, take a bath etc.”

I am no longer the quirky organic tofu, stir-fry mother. I am now the “what is in the fridge that won’t cause us a severe bout of food poisoning” type of mom.

I long for the old me. She was somewhat entertaining, had a sense of humor and was always in the mood for a good caper or joke.

I wonder if I will ever see that happy-go-lucky mother again. Is she inside me? Lurking. Waiting for school to be done with? Or is she gone eternally? Will Holden view his childhood as Before Nursing School (BNS) and After Nursing School (ANS)?

As I study 40 hours a week, plus school, plus whatever else I have to do, I watch as my son’s life flies by. He is bitter and irritated that he is not the only thing in my life anymore. My little boy feels deserted. It breaks my heart. He seeks out my attention by hitting or biting me. Only me.

But, a very wise friend of mine gave me some advice. “Holden will see you studying hard to make your dreams possible. It will show him that hard work, dedication and tenacity will pay off in the end.”

I really hope this is the message he is going to get. Right now, I feel as if the message he is getting is, “Mommy doesn’t have time for you anymore.”

And for that, I am immensely sad.

Amanda Leitch-Lee is a Greenville resident and former award-winning journalist who enjoys reading, British tabloid media and time spent with family and friends.

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