JUST THINKING: A gift for the opposite

Just Thinking | Julie Stafford

I’ve worked hard during my lifetime to hone some of my talents like writing, tennis and cooking.

But I seem to have other amusing and miraculous gifts that I haven’t had to work on at all. Take, for example, being able, in the midst of conversation, to string together an entire sentence, not realizing I’ve replaced a word with a random one that makes no sense.

The other day in the car, I asked my daughter, “Can I have a piece of milk?” I wondered why she was looking at me so strangely. In my head, I’d asked for “gum” — who knows why “milk” came out instead.

Sometimes I even swap words that would be hard to do even if you tried. For one whole winter, I called the things in my car that warm my seat “heat seaters”. I’ve also been on a happy hour “cruise booze” on a boat. And I even sometimes Chapsnat, I mean Snapchat, with my kids.

One of my greatest and most popular unpracticed skills is my gift for weather forecasting. It’s not really forecasting as much as it is weather affecting.

This is how it works. If I wash my car, it for sure will rain. Without fail. Happens every time. During this time of year, if I wear warm weather clothes, it’s cold and if I wear cold weather clothes, it’s warm. On a recent morning walk, it looked nice outside, the thermometer was expected to rise and so I assumed myself safe with a light sweatshirt and capris pants. Brrrrr. It was mitten weather.

A couple days later, when I found myself with a bit of time during the gorgeous, sunny afternoon, I walked the dog. Not wanting to be fooled this time, I dressed in a long sleeved sweatshirt and jeans. Holy smokes was it hot. I was a dripping mess. All those folks riding their bikes in shorts should have thanked me.

In some class at one point long ago, I remember learning about synapses — part of the nervous system that helps get messages from one part of your brain to another. I’m pretty sure mine are a little mixed up.

Maybe this is all a sign of age. Maybe it’s just that I’ve got a lot of balls in the air. After all, just this week, while talking on my cell phone, I found myself sifting through my desk looking for … my cell phone. Pretty bad, I know. The good news is that the people around me find humor in those mixed up things I sometimes say. And now you know who to talk to when you want rain and who to praise when we have nice, warm weather. Just for the record, though, I have nothing with “snizzarding blow” or other kinds of treacherous weather.

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